The Future of Marriage
God placed the desire for a committed relationship with a member of the opposite sex through the benefits and bonds upon the foundation of marriage.
The future of marriage: Is it becoming extinct? Some of the modern, liberal thinkers of our day have said that marriage will one day become extinct. They’ve predicted marriage will slowly but surely be thought of as old-fashioned and unnecessary despite its current popularity and existence throughout human history.
Perhaps their predictions are based on the changes in the way society views love and marriage. During the 1960’s, society showed us a picture of love somewhat unfamiliar to American culture at that time. It was portrayed as “Free Love.” The popular love stories of the day began focusing only on passion and held an attitude that said, “I’m not committed to you but I am having a great time with you sexually and romantically. I like how you make me feel right now. But who knows what I’ll feel tomorrow? So let’s not make any kind of commitment to each other but just enjoy this moment.”
Novels, newspapers and other forms of media touted this as the ideal kind of love. A direct correlation can’t be proven, but during that time the divorce rate skyrocketed and has remained high until today. That warped concept of love taught us that if we can’t have all the passion and pleasure we want from one person, we can always find someone else who will give it to us. Perhaps that is why some marriage researchers tell us that today 6 in 10 marriages at some time in the course of the marriage are affected by extra-martial affairs.
Before this infatuation-based love concept, the majority of American society saw marriage as a commitment that was kept often in the face of obstacles and tough times. Unselfishness was the key to marriage then and the focus was on the big picture of “till death do us part” and raising children in a home with a mom and a dad.
According to the Census Bureau, the number of children living with only one parent has increased from 9% in 1960 to 28% in 2002. This statistic is discouraging news for those of us who support commitment-based, traditional marriage. The infatuation-based, passion-only ideal of marriage is certainly alive and well today, but that doesn’t mean committed, unselfish love is dead or dying.
Because of our belief in God and his message to us in the Bible, Jesus-followers believe God placed the desire for a committed relationship with a member of the opposite sex in each of us. Men and women will not give up the benefits of traditional marriage relationships even though it is under fire now. There are too many positive side-effects that marriage provides society for it to be tossed aside.
Though we can cite the Bible’s recipe for marriage and believe it because of our Christian faith, modern research also tells us that the marriage of one man and one woman provides benefits to the couple and any children they might have. Research suggests that:
Married people live longer and generally are more emotionally and physically healthy than those who aren’t married
Married people need less health care
Married people exhibit increased satisfaction and happiness in the workplace
Married people exhibit decreased feelings of loneliness and boredom
Married people have prolonged access to increased intimacy
Married people report greater levels of sexual fulfillment and frequency
Children of a marriage of one man and one woman receive the benefits of learning from role models of each gender. Each gender brings different strengths to the table and in marriage; children can receive a balanced influence of the two.
Not to be afraid of why we believe what we do. Christ First Baptist Church affirms a number of Core Beliefs. Our church’s constitution supports ten key tenets of belief:
When it comes to the institution of marriage. We believe the following…
God created man and woman in his own image and for each other in the bonds of marriage. There must be no attempt to rationalize and promote sexual conduct—heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual—which is outside the scriptural will of God for his children.
The book of beginnings affirms this core belief of marriage in Genesis 2:18-25…
18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Jesus Christ also affirmed this core belief of marriage in his teaching from Matthew 19:4-6…
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
God knew that a number of benefits existed with the marriage of man and woman and that is why he instituted it with the first man and woman (Adam and Eve). Modern research also supports the Biblical-based concept of marriage as the ideal environment for a loving relationship of man and wife–and for stable, happy, well-adjusted children. Because humans need the security and committed love that marriage offers, it will continue to be the backbone of society until the end of time.
The Benefits of Marriage
Marriage is one of most intimate relationships of life which is both a beautiful experience and a very awesome responsibility. Marriage is more than a contract or license to live together. It is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. It is a sacred relationship based on the marvelous foundation of God’s love in which a man and a woman build a mutually satisfying and deeply enriching marriage. God’s foundations for Christian marriage originate in the Holy Scriptures.
Not everyone who hears these words is married, and not everyone who is married is in a healthy, growing relationship. There are those whose marriage bonds have been separated by death or divorce. There are those who are single. In some ways it doesn’t matter what our particular situation might be. We all need to hear what God’s Word has to say.
The bond of marriage is joined together by three key principles:
1. Marriage is a purposeful union
18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Marriage is purposefully designed by God. It is a gift from God but we don’t always see it that way.
A seven-year-old girl saw the movie Cinderella and was talking with her friends about it afterward. “I know how it ends,” said one, “Cinderella and the Prince live happily ever after.” “Oh no they don’t,” she replied. “They got married!”
God’s answer to Adam’s loneliness is simple and profound. God created a partner for Adam — like him, from him, yet different. Adam’s deep loneliness is met by a woman created by God. From this we learn that the gift of a wife comes from God himself. When God brought Eve to Adam, he showed his sovereignty over the most intimate areas of life. And we learn that God can be trusted to provide a mate at the right time and in the right way. Anxious single men and women need to hear this word from the Lord.
So God has carefully created us to complement each other. A complement is likened to a helpmate; someone who completes or makes perfect. God designed a woman—not another man—to be the completion of a man, and the man—not another woman—to be the completion of a woman. God made man and woman different by nature and nurture to fit together in a mutually beneficial way.
Marriage is a permanent union
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.
The Hebrew word united means to be bonded together in such a way that the relationship is secure and permanent. To be united also means to be totally committed to the marriage relationship so that no hardship, difficulty or problem can separate the two. Furthermore, to be united carries the meaning to be joined together with, and in spirit. Marriage is a permanent union in a threefold process—leave, cleave and weave. Too often couples cleave before they leave by co-habitation. This not God’s design for a committed, bonded relationship.
This union and oneness of marriage can be illustrated in the following way. If we take two different colored pieces of paper and bond them together with glue, they become one unit. If we try and separate one piece of paper from the other, there is most often a tearing or defacing of the paper. Each piece of paper, though separated, will show evidence of the other color of paper still remaining. We can show that one side has its original color intact, but on the reverse side a trace of the other paper’s color also remains. The same is true for a man and a woman bonded by God as one union in marriage. Separation through divorce may happen, but each other’s nature will still be a part of their lives. They may show their own color to the world on the outside, but on the inside the nature of their former mate will remain.
Thus marriage is a permanent union; a life-long process. It is a deliberate effort of two persons bringing all of their differences, backgrounds, personalities, feelings, interests, temperaments, and expectations into a relationship that will be built, but over the years progress into a one flesh relationship.
Marriage is a private union
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
The marriage bond is one of intimacy. Thus, the essence of the marriage relationship is saved for private disclosure and not for public demonstration. Physical union makes marriage distinct from any other relationship, even the closest of relationships.
The writer to the Hebrews supports the privacy of marriage in Hebrews 13:4…
4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Marriage is basically a human illustration of God’s love for us. Adam could not totally comprehend God’s creative order until he provided for Adam a helpmate suitable for his nature and nurture. Now Adam can understand God’s love for him when he created Eve. This is a mystery, according to God’s Word, but one that reflects the totality of the marriage union and its uniqueness.
With these biblical principles in place, let’s consider the following response to the issue of marriage in our nation. It is a widespread consensus across our country that Americans don’t like gay and lesbian coupes having their relationships called “marriage.” However, for the most part, people are more likely to support the proposal of civil unions. Even President Bush has come out strong against gay marriage, although he has not voiced opposition to civil unions for homosexual couples. He has said that marriage is a sacred institution and should be reserved for the union of one man and one woman.
If this is the case—and most Americans agree with our president on this issue—we have to ask why the government is involved at all in marrying people. If marriage is really a sacred institution, then why is our government controlling it, in a nation that affirms the separation of church and state?
Let me share personally on this issue. I am an ordained minister of the Gospel. I always feel a little uneasy toward the end of the weddings I perform when I have to say, “And now, by the authority given unto me by the State of California, I declare that you are husband and wife.” At weddings, after having performed a variety of religious exercises, such as reading Scripture, saying prayers, giving a bible based meditation and declaring blessings on the marriage, I suddenly shift to being an agent of the state. It seems inconsistent that in a highly religious ceremony I should have to turn the church into a place where government business is conducted. It is a conflict for me to unify my pastoral role with that of a state agent.
There is a way out of this conflict and the difficult questions being raised these days, especially during an election year, about whether our country should approve of homosexual marriages. Perhaps the government should get out of the business of marrying people and, instead, only give legal status to civil unions. The government should sanction a civil union, but don’t call it a marriage. Leave marriage in the hands of the church and other religious entities. Let’s not redefine marriage beyond the biblical union. If a couple wants their relationship blessed—to be married—they go to a church, synagogue or other house of worship. Marriage should be viewed as an institution ordained by God and should be out of the control of the state.
Election Day is Tuesday, November 4th, and we have the opportunity to vote to protect marriage in California.
California is poised to amend the state constitution to clearly define marriage as the union of one man and one woman. This would stop all marriages outside of God’s intentional will for marriage in their tracks and reverse the controversial California Supreme Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage earlier this year. Passage of Proposition 8 will ensure that marriage is protected for the next generation of our families. It will give all of California’s kids the best chance for a mom and a dad, and will protect California families from attempts by activists outside the state or rogue judges within the state, who want to change the legal and biblical definition of marriage.
Three R’s of Proposition 8…As responsible Jesus-followers we need to be aware and take action on the issues defining marriage in our society. We can respond to these challenges in three practical ways:
Restore the definition of marriage. Man-woman marriage is the only natural way to build families, which in turn builds a society. In the United States, same-sex couples are free to live as they choose in likeness to a civil union. It is dangerous, however, to treat marriage as a “social construct” that is changeable. Husband-wife unions are the basic source of society. Because society is not the source of marriage’s definition, it cannot change the accurate description of marriage by its own will.
Reaffirm Proposition 22, by which California voters upheld man-woman marriage. A strong majority upheld the natural definition of marriage in this 2000 statewide referendum. Prop 22 amended state civil code, however, and the California Supreme Court said it violated the state constitution. Prop 8 would amend the constitution itself to secure husband-wife marriage.
Reject judicial activism. In May 2008, four judges voted that laws “limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples violate the state constitutional rights of same-sex couples.” They overturned laws passed by voters and the state legislature, to create same-sex marriage. Yet their job is to interpret the real meaning of the law and apply it to specific situations — not to create new laws. Lawmaking on such a pivotal issue, by unelected officials, is tyranny and it should not be permitted.
We all understand that the future of marriage is being challenged today and is under attack. Many young people doubt that a lifelong marriage is possible. They’ve seen so much divorce that it seems normal to them. They are right in one sense. Divorce happens. It happens in the world, it happens in the church at large, and it happens in this particular local church. Sometimes Christian people behave irresponsibly. Husbands and wives don’t always keep their vows. Sometimes they walk out and sometimes they just drift apart.
After making full allowance for all the problems we face, it’s still true that God’s way is the best way. When we buy a new car, it is wise choice for us to take the owner’s manual out of the glove compartment and read it. We need to do the same thing today. The Bible is still the “owner’s manual” for marriage. Perhaps if we were more attentive to the instructions of the Designer we would find that marriage works much better.
Marriage is a challenge in the best of circumstances but it can also be a great blessing. In a society like ours, where healthy marriages are the exception and not the rule, if we can build marriages that move against the prevailing tide, we will have a fantastic base from which to share the message of Jesus Christ with our friends and neighbors. Nowhere will the difference between Christianity and modern secularism be more clearly seen than in a truly Christian marriage.
God’s desire for each couple who enters into the bonds of marriage is for them to experience all that God intended and to understand all that he requires for that union to be a reality. When both partners have experienced God’s love and forgiveness in their own lives, there is the possibility for marriage that brings the fulfillment that God designed. The future of marriage depends upon it!
Let’s spend time together and pray for our marriages, our relationships, our friendships. Let’s pray for the upcoming election and the opportunity for Jesus-followers to protect marriage in California. Couples who are together in the service please join hands for a prayer of recommitment.
Let’s stand as a congregation for prayer.
If you are married, take a moment to recommit yourself to your spouse.
If your marriage is in some difficulty, pray for God’s healing power to come into your relationship.
If you are a widow or a widower, thank God for the good memories. Ask God for the grace you need this week.
If you are single because of divorce, pray for an intimate relationship with God to fill the void in your heart.
If you are a single parent, ask God to be the missing parent for your children.
If you have never married, pray that God will bring his best to you in his own time and commit to the Lord that you won’t settle for second best.
Father, we thank you for the gift of marriage. We acknowledge that your ways are perfect and that you make no mistakes. We gladly confess that without you we can do nothing. Help us to submit ourselves to you completely with no strings attached. May we become a church of happy Christian homes where Jesus Christ can be seen in our closest relationships. We pray for those who are hurting and lonely that they might receive a fresh touch from your Spirit. Grant healing and hope to us as we pray.
We lift up all the marriages in our congregation and pray that each one might be strengthened. We stand united by faith against everything the devil would do to destroy those marriages. We pray that none would be lost, that all would be preserved. And we thank you for husbands and wives who love you and who love each other. Grant that our marriages will not merely survive, but that they will thrive—grow and prosper and be filled with joy. Give grace to each couple that they might serve the Lord together joyfully as long as they both shall live. And when the time to leave this life comes, may they still be together, still in love, still faithful, and still believing in the promise of eternal life.
We pray for the upcoming election and the opportunity we have as Jesus-followers to protect marriage. O Lord, we acknowledge that a man-woman marriage is ordained by you as the only natural way to build families, which in turn builds a society. We pray these things in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
